I Broke the Cage to Dream Again

I turned forty this past March and to be honest I think the shift from a three to a four in that tens place really threw me for a loop mentally, emotionally, and physically. The emotional and mental turmoil started kicking in about six months before I turned forty. I kept thinking "Wow, I feel like I'm approaching the half way point of my life!" Seriously, I felt as if when I turned forty one foot was already in the grave and I'm over here teetering while life is threating to give me a push. At one point last summer I looked at my father and asked "Who should I be when I grow up and what should I do with second half of my life?". Naturally, he laughed and said "whoever you want to be and whatever you can dream up". That's when I figured out why I was struggling with this halfway point of my life- I had quit dreaming and believing that I could be whoever I want to be and accomplish anything I dream up in life. 

In the past forty years I have overcome several trials in life. It seems as if the universe enjoys knocking me down and then giving me an extra kick while I'm rolling on the ground. However, I have a tendency to get back up swinging nine times out of ten.  Even though I don't come from a background of generational wealth and privilege I was raised to dream big, work hard, and not accept failure as an option. Throughout the past I have taken a lot of risk and worked hard to achieve whatever I dreamed and truly desired. I managed to graduate top of my high school class, married a good husband, am raising a wonderful daughter, graduated at the top of my college class, earned my teaching license, and purchased my family's forever home with my husband. All that is to say, I have accomplished a good deal in my life but I feel that it is time accomplish something that truly brings me a sense of joy and fulfillment. 

I think the huge debt from my college education and life in general compounded by the fact that because my daughter and I left the public school education to homeschool we live off a modest single income (plus whatever odd jobs I periodically do) forced me to tamper down my dreams and play it on the safe side. This lack of dreaming made me feel as though I was a caged animal switching between gnawing at the bars and laying down to silently die. But, my daughter is a currently in her sophomore year of high school and will soon graduate from our homeschool. Which means that after a few more years my days will not be filled with her homeschool lessons and I have no desire to return to teaching in the public school. So, it's time to dream and dream I did! I dreamed and came up with a bucket list. Yep, considering I apparently have one foot in the grave my dreams are compiled into a bucket list. Seems fitting right? 

Here is the bucket list I came up with: 

1.) Guide my daughter to successfully graduate high school (Might need more patience & coffee here!)

2.) Go dancing with someone and learn different dances (I have two left feet but it sounds fun and music makes me feel alive.)

3.) Write a collection of poetry (Yeah, I have never written poetry- so challenge accepted.)

4.) Become an Artist (Even drawing a circle currently is difficult so this should be fun through the tears.)

5.) Illustrate a Picture Book (I better work on that becoming an artist thing first)

6.) Create a collection of artworks titled "Under the Moon" (Yeah, definitely need to do the artist thing)

7.) Create an art based business that will fund my dreams and old age (Really want to be an artist!)

8.) Learn Chinese (I love Chinese dramas & Chinese literature and the English subtitles and translations are losing some of the nuance and meaning of the original language)

9.) Learn Japanese (I love anime and Japanese dramas and once again there is a loss with dub and subtitles)

10.) Learn Korean (K-dramas are awesome! English subtitles not so much.)

11.) Visit the Grand Canyon (I've always wanted to see it in real life.)

12.) Visit Ireland (I may stay there! Seriously, this is where I want to live out my old age and die there- I think. I better visit first before packing up and moving everything.)

13.) Visit Japan (If I go through all the work of learning the language I need to experience the culture.)

14.) Visit China (So many original Chinese literature to purchase while I'm there!)

15.) Visit South Korea (There is all this neat food I see in the dramas and must try it!)

This blog will serve as a record of my journey to accomplishing my bucket list before life pushes me all the way into the grave! I'm not sure anyone else will ever read this blog. But, if you do happen to stumble across the blog and read this far; reach out to let me know are you still dreaming and what is on your bucket list?